where o where has my little phone gone?

i've always felt like i've been on the verge of crazy. today has confirmed that hypothesis.

i recently misplaced my phone in my one bedroom apartment.

this does not make me crazy.

what makes me crazy is where i kept expecting for it to show up. when i checked my mailbox this morning a small part of me honestly thought it may be sitting next to the january issue of o magazine. when i reached for a five dollar bill to pay for my latte this afternoon, a small part of me honestly thought it may have somehow fit into my hobo wallet.

and that, my friends is what makes me crazy.

please still be my friend and don't be offended when i don't answer my phone that has still not shown up in my freezer.

and ransdell, i won't be able to meet you in vegas for new year's eve. my apologies.

love american style.

i like it when you have people in your life that know you well enough to get you what you would have put on your christmas list had you made one this year.

what amazing people i have in my life!

it's a long one.

Every Friday morning for about 3 months now, I have been going to my friend Steven’s trailer for a breakfast with a ministry called KP. KP serves the members of the HOW (Habitat on Wheels) community in the trailer park out by the airport.

A few weeks ago I was talking with Avon, a quiet man with a huge belly who waits a good awkward second before making any response to your questions but has a wonderful sense of humor that makes me laugh out loud in surprise. I asked Avon if they ever had carolers in the trailer park in an attempt at conversation while we were waiting for the eggs Chris and Tina were cooking. He replied, “Not that I recall,” in his deep slow voice. So I causally mentioned that we should all go caroling.

Lloyd, a man with deep set wrinkles around his eyes due to years of smoking, grey hair to his shoulders that he always wears back in a small tucked under bun at the nape of his neck, and the giver of the best hugs you’ll ever receive, overheard and decided that this is what we should do.

So we decided to do it. Sunday night. 7:00.

Steven made a nice pot of decaf coffee and had warm brownies on the stove when I arrived.

Risa was already there donned with her bright red Christmas sweater and quick wit. Then Michelle and Tim trickled in and I called Lloyd to make sure he was on his way.

Michelle and Tim are the newly weds of the group.  Michelle has a smile that, despite the fact that she is missing many of her front teeth, will brighten up any room. Her smiles seem to be few and far between these days as she finds herself continually drawn back to the street in her addiction to the heartbreak of her husband.  Tim hobbles at her side due to an incident a few months ago when he was high and jumped off a building to impress his bride, but manages to get around okay these days.

We decided to sing a bit in Steven’s trailer to see what we were working with. I think we sounded beautiful.

Steven and Lloyd had procured hymnals to help us with the more obscure verses of Away in a Manger and we set out with candles in hand because I insisted that “real” carolers hold candles. Turns out that we wouldn’t have been able to see without them - who knew that was why carolers held them?

As we walked to the first house Risa quickly realized that she needed to be wearing her glasses to read from the hymnal, but needed to not be wearing her glasses to walk. Quite the predicament when you’re trying to read carol lyrics and walk simultaneously. So we ingeniously decided to sing songs we knew (think Frosty the Snowman) as we walked and save the more lyrically difficult songs to when we were in front of a trailer (such as We Three Kings – do you know the third line?).

There we were, walking/hobbling through the streets of the Royal Palms trailer park armed with candles and hymnals. Our first stop with an audience was Mississippi’s trailer.  Mississippi has the most wonderful deep voice that speaks with authority and dignity. As we sang, I couldn’t stop smiling at Mississippi’s smile as he listened to our haphazard melodies. After our first verse of Joy to the World, Mississippi commented humorously that “we pulled it off.”  Someone handed him a candle and he joined our parade to Jimmy’s trailer.

Once we arrived, Jimmy invited us in. We took up his entire living room/kitchen/dining room and we proceeded to sing over some bad rendition of a Victorian novel on the TV and the chirping of his two newest love birds. Although Jimmy isn’t always all there mentally, he has the biggest heart. And the funniest catch phrases!

Jimmy joined us and we headed to Avon’s trailer. Avon grinned all though out our off key Fa-la-la-las and when asked if he wanted to join us, replied with a matter of fact “No thank you”  with no further explanation. But he did watch us walk all the way down the street with a big smile on hi s face.

On to Gorde’s. Upon completion of our first carol amidst their small dogs attacking our ankles, Steven asked Gorde’s mother if she had any requests. She said no and that one song was enough! Lloyd and I stayed back to talk to 18-year-old Gorde.  Gorde grew up in a card board box and has social skills as such. Gorde volunteered that he was hoping for a really great gift from Santa this year. I asked him what he wanted and he said money – typical teenager!

As we left Gorde’s, Lloyd put his arm around me and told me when his wife (who died just before I met Lloyd) used to go pick up Gorde and take him with her to the dog park when she would go. He told me he picks Gorde up sometimes, but should really get around to doing it more.

Having made the rounds, we headed back to Steven’s for a bit more coffee. Our group now multiplied, we pulled out the folding chairs and everyone took up their usual seats from Friday breakfasts. Steven asked us to share favorite Christmas stories and we proceeded to do so for a bit.

As I left Jimmy gave me an uncharacteristic hug and called me “Little One.” Risa mentioned that she doesn’t have many friends and that we should hang out when I get back from the holidays with my family. Tim and Michelle invited me to stop by their trailer any time.

I had made connections with all of these friends at the breakfasts, but something was different this time. It felt like I was tearing something away as I left. Like I belonged there with them, but I was leaving to go to my place 15 minutes away.

Then I headed home.

I may have had a tear or two run down my cheek as I drove away.

Lloyd called me the next evening to tell me that I had made his Christmas. Next time someone asks him to share his favorite Christmas story, he told me, he’s going to tell this one of us caroling.

And I think I will too.

mustaches and suspenders.

my favorite picture from the christmas party this weekend was when by simply adding a single accessory, we were dressed as freddie mercury when killer queen began to play:

gift idea.

i've been reading a book my mom got me when i was home last called "if" by amy carmichael. it's so incredibly insightful. so incredibly simple. yet so incredibly challenging.

the first section is a series of statements that begin with "if" and end with "then i know nothing of calvary love."

for example: "if i am afraid to speak the truth, lest i lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, 'you do not understand,' of because i fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if i put my own good name before the other's highest good, then i know nothing of calvary love."

the next section consists of one page essays about loving others. it's so honest and straightforward - a must read.

i keep reading it over and over (it's a small book and one that need not be read in order) and find myself finding new things each time to think about.

anyways, could be a good gift idea if you're still stuck. word play.

bean.

when i grow up, i will have a large brown dog named frijol. see - i can make life decisions.

small bulbs of radiant light.

i don't usually leave a light on in my apartment when i leave for the evening even though it means coming home to a dark place where i must stumble around a bit before i manage to flip on the light switch.

not so tonight.

i was greeted my the warm glow of my christmas tree lights that robyn help me put up this afternoon. and by warm, i do not mean fire hazard warm.

is it dumb to keep them plugged in all day long with the curtains closed?

creativity to a point.

so i've written a short story. anyone have any ideas as to what i should do with it?

curling up on the chair with a good book.

i consistently grab the chicken broth from my refrigerator door instead of the almond milk - which, in my defense, have very similar shaped boxes - to add to my india spice chai tea.

as of this afternoon i haven't followed through with the disastrous deed. you would think that i would re-locate the chicken broth to a less prominent spot in my fridge since i don't even know how to cook with it. you would think.

the butcher of royal palms.

today at breakfast i watched an older gentleman chopping broccoli, peppers, and potatoes for our breakfast tacos. i was a bit concerned that he was going to also chop the tips of his fingers and include them as well into our breakfast feast. there were so many close calls that i can't believe that he left in one piece. seriously, i've never seen such reckless chopping in my life.

how does one recover from such trauma?

motivations.

i have started composting again thus i have starting eating more things with scraps to compost.