gifted uniquely.

i feel as though i have a unique sense of humor and that has uniquely equipped me to work with some of the residents of the community i serve. observe:

me: how are you this morning?
resident: not good at all.
me: oh no! why not? what happened?
resident: i hate this trailer park.
me: why?
resident: well, because i can't swim.

and then i proceeded to grin the rest of the morning. i love missing lines of thinking. sometimes when someone asks me how i'm doing, i'd like to tell them matter of factly that i'm doing well because i had fish for dinner last week.

i also like using words in the wrong figure of speak. like making "fact" into an adverb as seen above. especially if you have to over-enunciate for the word to be understood and open your jaw really widely.

the clash.

i wonder if sometimes you just have to make a decision. you weight the facts the best you can, and then you just decide. if you're wrong, at least you tried. what does it even look like to make decisions based upon your heart if your feeling can't be trusted because they come and go. what if i only feel the way i do because of the last movie i happened to watch? what if i feel differently tomorrow?

blerg.

what makes me smile.

to continue my list theme from last post, i would like to make a list of the things i can see from where i am currently sitting in my apartment that make me happy:

-small bluebird of happiness figurine
-my grandpa's old trunks
-my over-sized and slightly broken black and white clock
-the green straw in my brownish tinted hand-me-down glass
-my newest painted chair project
-my ever-growing pile of yellow books
-the poem on my wall rikki wrote out for me in a way only she could
-the font on the mug with a "j" on it
-that my counter is empty and freshly cleaned
-the birthday card on my refrigerator my parent's sent me this year
-the blooming wandering jew plant outside my window
-my cigar box filled with scrabble tiles
-the colors gray and purple together on my shelves turned side table
-the lime green frame my dad made me with left over wood from a project with claire
-the old lady lamp i traded brittney for a shirt at a garage sale we had
-the fact the most everything in my apartment has a story behind it

my how i am blessed.

listography.

in an effort to get everything off my mind and my heart this evening i've prepared a list of what is taking up space:

• responsible resourcefulness
• keeping up with old friends
• friends in other countries
• friends moving to other countries
• 19 year olds living in the woods with their fiances
• being taken advantage of 
• willfully letting others take advantage of me
• living in my apartment for the next 3 months
• not living in my apartment after 3 months
• asking too much of others
• when spaghetti isn't just spaghetti
• when is rest selfish
• when is pushing yourself to give too much selfish
• alanis morisette
• starting an orphanage
• continuing my work with the homeless and formerly homeless
• people coming and going through the ministry i work with
• defining success correctly and independently
• club dread
• working inside my god-given personality
• breaking through past my god-given personality
• the sum of my habits, intentional and otherwise
• the root of my dysfunctionality
• prioritizing good things
• when efficiency needs to be re-evaluated
• a total eclipse of the heart

innate clumsiness - is it genetic?

somehow i've managed to trip over my own toenail and split it down the middle.

seriously. who does that?

egg-actly.

so i've been buying the brown eggs at the store lately and every single time i crack open one of those suckers i expect the "white" of the egg to be brown. and it's not. and i'm surprised.

also they're shockingly difficult to crack.

but maybe the bigger lesson has to do with expectations. i'm struggling with knowing what are reasonable things i can expect out of my day. otherwise i don't feel as though i'm living up to my fullest potential and in the non-profit world, we all know there is never a shortage of people to serve.

realistic expectations. i'll start with the eggs.