where o where has my little phone gone?

i've always felt like i've been on the verge of crazy. today has confirmed that hypothesis.

i recently misplaced my phone in my one bedroom apartment.

this does not make me crazy.

what makes me crazy is where i kept expecting for it to show up. when i checked my mailbox this morning a small part of me honestly thought it may be sitting next to the january issue of o magazine. when i reached for a five dollar bill to pay for my latte this afternoon, a small part of me honestly thought it may have somehow fit into my hobo wallet.

and that, my friends is what makes me crazy.

please still be my friend and don't be offended when i don't answer my phone that has still not shown up in my freezer.

and ransdell, i won't be able to meet you in vegas for new year's eve. my apologies.

love american style.

i like it when you have people in your life that know you well enough to get you what you would have put on your christmas list had you made one this year.

what amazing people i have in my life!

it's a long one.

Every Friday morning for about 3 months now, I have been going to my friend Steven’s trailer for a breakfast with a ministry called KP. KP serves the members of the HOW (Habitat on Wheels) community in the trailer park out by the airport.

A few weeks ago I was talking with Avon, a quiet man with a huge belly who waits a good awkward second before making any response to your questions but has a wonderful sense of humor that makes me laugh out loud in surprise. I asked Avon if they ever had carolers in the trailer park in an attempt at conversation while we were waiting for the eggs Chris and Tina were cooking. He replied, “Not that I recall,” in his deep slow voice. So I causally mentioned that we should all go caroling.

Lloyd, a man with deep set wrinkles around his eyes due to years of smoking, grey hair to his shoulders that he always wears back in a small tucked under bun at the nape of his neck, and the giver of the best hugs you’ll ever receive, overheard and decided that this is what we should do.

So we decided to do it. Sunday night. 7:00.

Steven made a nice pot of decaf coffee and had warm brownies on the stove when I arrived.

Risa was already there donned with her bright red Christmas sweater and quick wit. Then Michelle and Tim trickled in and I called Lloyd to make sure he was on his way.

Michelle and Tim are the newly weds of the group.  Michelle has a smile that, despite the fact that she is missing many of her front teeth, will brighten up any room. Her smiles seem to be few and far between these days as she finds herself continually drawn back to the street in her addiction to the heartbreak of her husband.  Tim hobbles at her side due to an incident a few months ago when he was high and jumped off a building to impress his bride, but manages to get around okay these days.

We decided to sing a bit in Steven’s trailer to see what we were working with. I think we sounded beautiful.

Steven and Lloyd had procured hymnals to help us with the more obscure verses of Away in a Manger and we set out with candles in hand because I insisted that “real” carolers hold candles. Turns out that we wouldn’t have been able to see without them - who knew that was why carolers held them?

As we walked to the first house Risa quickly realized that she needed to be wearing her glasses to read from the hymnal, but needed to not be wearing her glasses to walk. Quite the predicament when you’re trying to read carol lyrics and walk simultaneously. So we ingeniously decided to sing songs we knew (think Frosty the Snowman) as we walked and save the more lyrically difficult songs to when we were in front of a trailer (such as We Three Kings – do you know the third line?).

There we were, walking/hobbling through the streets of the Royal Palms trailer park armed with candles and hymnals. Our first stop with an audience was Mississippi’s trailer.  Mississippi has the most wonderful deep voice that speaks with authority and dignity. As we sang, I couldn’t stop smiling at Mississippi’s smile as he listened to our haphazard melodies. After our first verse of Joy to the World, Mississippi commented humorously that “we pulled it off.”  Someone handed him a candle and he joined our parade to Jimmy’s trailer.

Once we arrived, Jimmy invited us in. We took up his entire living room/kitchen/dining room and we proceeded to sing over some bad rendition of a Victorian novel on the TV and the chirping of his two newest love birds. Although Jimmy isn’t always all there mentally, he has the biggest heart. And the funniest catch phrases!

Jimmy joined us and we headed to Avon’s trailer. Avon grinned all though out our off key Fa-la-la-las and when asked if he wanted to join us, replied with a matter of fact “No thank you”  with no further explanation. But he did watch us walk all the way down the street with a big smile on hi s face.

On to Gorde’s. Upon completion of our first carol amidst their small dogs attacking our ankles, Steven asked Gorde’s mother if she had any requests. She said no and that one song was enough! Lloyd and I stayed back to talk to 18-year-old Gorde.  Gorde grew up in a card board box and has social skills as such. Gorde volunteered that he was hoping for a really great gift from Santa this year. I asked him what he wanted and he said money – typical teenager!

As we left Gorde’s, Lloyd put his arm around me and told me when his wife (who died just before I met Lloyd) used to go pick up Gorde and take him with her to the dog park when she would go. He told me he picks Gorde up sometimes, but should really get around to doing it more.

Having made the rounds, we headed back to Steven’s for a bit more coffee. Our group now multiplied, we pulled out the folding chairs and everyone took up their usual seats from Friday breakfasts. Steven asked us to share favorite Christmas stories and we proceeded to do so for a bit.

As I left Jimmy gave me an uncharacteristic hug and called me “Little One.” Risa mentioned that she doesn’t have many friends and that we should hang out when I get back from the holidays with my family. Tim and Michelle invited me to stop by their trailer any time.

I had made connections with all of these friends at the breakfasts, but something was different this time. It felt like I was tearing something away as I left. Like I belonged there with them, but I was leaving to go to my place 15 minutes away.

Then I headed home.

I may have had a tear or two run down my cheek as I drove away.

Lloyd called me the next evening to tell me that I had made his Christmas. Next time someone asks him to share his favorite Christmas story, he told me, he’s going to tell this one of us caroling.

And I think I will too.

mustaches and suspenders.

my favorite picture from the christmas party this weekend was when by simply adding a single accessory, we were dressed as freddie mercury when killer queen began to play:

gift idea.

i've been reading a book my mom got me when i was home last called "if" by amy carmichael. it's so incredibly insightful. so incredibly simple. yet so incredibly challenging.

the first section is a series of statements that begin with "if" and end with "then i know nothing of calvary love."

for example: "if i am afraid to speak the truth, lest i lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, 'you do not understand,' of because i fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if i put my own good name before the other's highest good, then i know nothing of calvary love."

the next section consists of one page essays about loving others. it's so honest and straightforward - a must read.

i keep reading it over and over (it's a small book and one that need not be read in order) and find myself finding new things each time to think about.

anyways, could be a good gift idea if you're still stuck. word play.

bean.

when i grow up, i will have a large brown dog named frijol. see - i can make life decisions.

small bulbs of radiant light.

i don't usually leave a light on in my apartment when i leave for the evening even though it means coming home to a dark place where i must stumble around a bit before i manage to flip on the light switch.

not so tonight.

i was greeted my the warm glow of my christmas tree lights that robyn help me put up this afternoon. and by warm, i do not mean fire hazard warm.

is it dumb to keep them plugged in all day long with the curtains closed?

creativity to a point.

so i've written a short story. anyone have any ideas as to what i should do with it?

curling up on the chair with a good book.

i consistently grab the chicken broth from my refrigerator door instead of the almond milk - which, in my defense, have very similar shaped boxes - to add to my india spice chai tea.

as of this afternoon i haven't followed through with the disastrous deed. you would think that i would re-locate the chicken broth to a less prominent spot in my fridge since i don't even know how to cook with it. you would think.

the butcher of royal palms.

today at breakfast i watched an older gentleman chopping broccoli, peppers, and potatoes for our breakfast tacos. i was a bit concerned that he was going to also chop the tips of his fingers and include them as well into our breakfast feast. there were so many close calls that i can't believe that he left in one piece. seriously, i've never seen such reckless chopping in my life.

how does one recover from such trauma?

motivations.

i have started composting again thus i have starting eating more things with scraps to compost.

needless to say my writing style has adapted.

this is officially my 100th post. on this momentous occasion, come with me if you will as we stroll through memory lane back to my very first post from april 12, 2009:

"As I sit on my well worn little blue foam coach and stare at the empty bookshelf I think to myself, “They’re gone. They’re really gone.” I pack them up last night and sent them with my parents to Texas. Well, all but 9 of them. Only these remain:

• Walden by Henry David Thoreau
• Lila by Robert M. Pirsig
• The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint – Exupéry
• Flores para Hitler by Leonard Cohen
• James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
• A Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs
• Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
• Night by Elie Eiesel
• The Art of Life by Edith Schaeffer

I chose Henry and Robert because I’ve already started them. Henry to remind me of my desire to live simply. Robert to remind me how I used to think about the philosophy behind morals. Robert affords me some great memories … even in the sequel.

I chose Antoine because I heard about his book 3 times in the same week. Whenever that happens, I go to amazon.com and buy the cheapest version. That was three months ago.

I am on a quest to discover if I have a love of poetry besides what Garrison Keillor has chosen for me. Leonard has graciously included the Spanish translation of each poem next to the English one. I can read a poem in Spanish, then fall back on the English version to see how close my translations are. I believe poetry is not intended to be read in your native language. Other languages are so much more beautiful sounding than your own.

Roald and I have long been friends. I have been neglecting him as of late. This will be remedied in the next 2 months.

A.J. Jacobs is the author of The Know-It-All: One Man’s Quest to Become the Smartest Man in the World. Recommended by my friend Robyn whose literary suggestions I’m constantly trying to catch up with. Loved the first, can’t wait for the second. An early summer must-read. A little of what you can expect:

The Year of Living Biblically answers the question: What if a modern-day American followed every single rule in the Bible as literally as possible. Not just the famous rules – the Ten Commandments and Love Thy Neighbor (though certainly those). But the hundreds of oft-ignored ones: don’t wear clothes of mixed fibers. Grow your beard. Stone adulterers.

Business books seldom make the cut these days. I bought Outliers on a whim. I’m hoping that reading this will give me a shot at success. Don’t let me down, Malcolm. I wisely knew that if I didn’t leave this book with me, it would never be read. I can almost guarantee that Malcolm will be bringing up the rear of the book list.

Elie. Similar to watching Slumdog Millionaire or reading Sold I get the impression that Elie will be a powerful yet haunting read. I was given Night as a generous gift for facilitating. I think that books are the perfect “thank yous.”

Edith was also a gift. A friend from high school. I started reading it then, but didn’t understand it really. I recently thumbed through it to discover that it really does have incredible advice on how to master the art of living. Besides, Francis Schaeffer, Edith’s husband, is one of my high school heroes.

Well, I must go read now. But do I pick up Henry or Robert…?

>sigh<

Life can be so full of difficult decisions…"

november 30st update:
• Walden (pending)
• Lila (pending)
• The Little Prince (check)
• Flores para Hitler (pending)
• James and the Giant Peach (check)
• A Year of Living Biblically (check)
• Outliers (not even started)
• Night (not even started)
• The Art of Life (pending)

and i'm SO behind on club dread.

small yellow bud - oh how you taunt me.

as i prepare to leave my little apartment for the thanksgiving holidays, i find myself stalling a bit. now don't get me wrong, i am so very excited to see my family, to eat my mother's amazing holiday staples (squash among other things i love!), to throw the football with my dad and brother, to go on bike rides, root for the cowboys, hand wash piles of dishes wearing my grandpa's really old apron, help put up the christmas tree while listening to the classic *nsync chrismas album amidst my dad and brother's over the top eye rolls. i'm even looking forward to the drive because the weather is absolutely stunning today.

i am dragging my heels because i have a bud on one of my flowers on my porch and i keep thinking that if i just wait a few minutes longer, it'll bloom. while this may be slightly crazy, i can't help but think what a shame it would be for me to come back sunday and it to have already bloomed and i missed it. what's that phrase? something about many a flower is destined to bloom unseen.

is it dumb that it makes me a bit sad?

back to packing. focus ardill.

the line of acceptable behavior may now be behind me.

when i was a little girl and my mom would cook spaghetti, she would hand me a raw noodle when i came in the kitchen to "help."

recently, i've really been enjoying eating a raw noodle here and there as i wait for my oh-so-slow computer to upload something for my etsy page or while i'm waiting for something to finish cooking in the oven.

this evening i think i crossed the line. i'll let you be the judge of me. think an open box of noodles, the december issue of vogue, a cup of hot tea, and a pink floyd soundtrack.

what have i become?

come one, come all.

this afternoon (starting at 4:00) marks an important day in history for multiple reasons i'm sure, but i'm refering specifically to the launch/re-launch party happening at obee's on w. anderson ln.

i'm super excited for multiple reasons:
*i'll be showcasing some of my etsy store's (jen's whims)new stuff.
*free food and drinks (and i know for a fact that obee's has incredible lebanese food - yum!)
*live music.
*a raffle (with a scarf i made as one of the possible prizes).

i could go on, but i have a lot to do to get ready.
hope to see you there (yes, that means you too, ryan ransdell).

weather update.

the coldest it's gotten here in austin overnight is about 45 degrees. never mind about it being that time of year...i guess i'm still used to living a bit further north...!

here's a thought:

do you move to a city because you value the same things or do you value things because the city you live in values them too?

for example, living in austin has made me realize that i really like the concept of supporting local businesses. although i always tended towards buying local when i lived in arkansas when the opportunity presented itself, i can't tell if i am more intentional about it because of it's popularity in austin (did you know that the "keep austin weird" slogan is pushing local businesses?) or if one of the reasons why i really like austin is because we share a similar mindset.

a little ditty for you on this thursday evening.

this afternoon a self-proclaimed gay man gave me a back massage. when he asked me why i was tense, i simply declared that i was unemployed.

plant perils.

as i'm sure you know, it's that time again.

the time of the year when every night threatens to freeze, but you never really know whether or not it's worth the considerable effort to bring in all 13 potted plants on the back porch or whether the newscasters are guilty of sensationalism yet again. if it's not going to freeze, there's no way i want so many leaky plants in my oh-so-small kitchen. that being said, i am committed to my plants and their physical health and am more than willing to save their vulnerable lives if the occasion calls for such heroism.

if only someone could invent something to predict whether accurately. i mean, it is the 21st century, right?

does this make me weird?

i love reading the backs of hair care products.

i read the directions to see if i'm washing my hair correctly. i read the ingredients to see if i can still draw out the molecules. i read the suggested products to use alongside the one in my hand. i love reading the description of what the product boasts to do with my hair.

so. does this make me weird?

smile at the moon like you know her.

forget the past, my new life goal is to be as adorable as regina spektor.

adventures in photography.

have you tried taking a picture of the back of your head recently? it's a doosie.

these always make me laugh! i bet for every etsy item i post, i take about 35 pictures. i hate it when i go through and start deleting the ones where i completely miss the product i'm selling and then i end up deleting all of the picture and have to start over! here's a few of the most recent bad photos:

what i ate.

my recent discovery of fashion blogs has given me an idea. it clearly wouldn't be interesting or inspiring if i took a picture of what i wore everyday. so i started thinking about what would be interesting. and then it hit me: what i ate. not in the "look at this fabulous meal i cooked this evening with small green leafy garnishes" way but in the "wow. i would have never though about putting those things together" way.

for example:

yesterday i woke up and had a bit of condensed chicken and rice soup from a can. a few hours later, i popped some popcorn and added a considerable amount of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms to the bowl. mid afternoon, i baked a piece of chicken with garlic herb marinara sprinkled over it, made a smoothie (soy milk, a banana, oats, cinnamon, and nutmeg), and then joined some friends for chips and salsa.

yeah, maybe i'll stick to my random stories of my day blog.

november learnings (so far).

* if cooking breakfast for people who have spent time in prison, don't serve pancakes.
* it is not necessarily uncommon for a 25 year old to have a daughter in 6th grade.
* like-minded people are refreshing.
* people who think differently are refreshing.
* the most cost effective way to de-chloronate water is with sodium thiosulfate if excess levels of ammonia aren't a problem.
* you can cook microwave dinners in the oven if necessary.
* tennis is fun.
* i have somehow managed to surround myself with a very supportive, kind group of friends.
* i'm exponentially happier when i have an outlet for creativity.
* i'm exponentially happier when i am serving people.
* community doesn't happen naturally, but everyone has a deeply embedded desire to live in community.
* french press coffee really is a better way to begin each day.
* book club is a necessary component of my lifestyle, an important accessory if you will.
* 2.5 x (supplies + labor + overhead) = retail price

nice to meet you.

i consider myself a happy person especially as of late. great friends, great weather, great family, great amounts of free time to pursue the things i love doing.

but even so, it is a rare occurrence when i find something that makes me so joyful that i can only clap my hands and emit a high pitched squeal.

this happened to me twice today - and both while i was watching 30 rock. and i don't even really like tv. or general electric.

i can now die in peace.

are you aware that shortbread cookies only contain three ingredients? and that those three ingredients are common kitchen items?

do you know what this means?

i'll tell you what this means.

it means there there is a recipe that i can pretty much always make. i'm constantly frustrated at wanting to make a dish that i don't have the ingredients for. no longer. never to be disappointed again!

i'm totally bringing shortbread cookies to dinner tonight - no running to the grocery store for one thing that i'd never know how else to use.

all my problems have been solved with this one discovery.

fruit with pits.

between writing, painting, crocheting, and gardening, i'm plumb out of creativity.

plumb out.

i thought time flew.

how am i still in my 20s?

texas book festival adventures.

i have so many stories welling up inside of me:

*developing an enormous crush on one of the authors because of his incredible hair which resulted in me just staring at him for an hour as i directed people to his book signing table.

*realizing that everyone at the book festival was weird and unmarried thus solidifying my theory that i am a nerd because i read.

*accidentally giving my number to a guy who is substantially shorter than me and swears that "he's never done this before". i'm still about confused as to "this" was referring to asking a girl out or the fact that he left a note on my car that he recognized from when he gave me directions to another parking garage.

*not realizing that the homeless man i was talking to about the gardening project i'm working with was not really interested in the project but in me...twenty minutes later.

and the halloween festivities haven't yet begun!

what's a girl to do?

seriously, though, what is a girl to do when she has been sipping a latte at her favorite coffee shop for a few hours with her stuff strewn about the small yet eclectic table (read: small scraps of paper with random to do lists, a bag, a wallet, a book, and various unnecessary pens and pencils, not to mention her laptop) and the coffee's diuretic tendencies begin to catch up with her?

should she:
a.) pack up everything, go to the restroom on the other side of the coffee shop only to return shortly and have to unpack her stuff again?
b.) leave everything and assume other patron's good will?
c.) pack up only things of monetary value?
d.) give up and go home?
e.) ask the college student across the way to watch her stuff?

i'm not saying this is what everyone should choose, but i think i'm going with d this afternoon.

honestly, caffeine can only be expected to do so much.

i think they're remodeling the apartment above me. i think that, like vampires, the prefer to work at night.

that being said, it's 5:45pm and i'm sooooo sleeeeepppyy.

a few years (?) too late.

every time i think i've discovered a new, interesting color combination (like an orange flower on a blue canvas background or yellow and purple pansies), it turns out that they're opposite each other on the color wheel.

ugh, who invented that anyways? whoever it was, i bet they're kicking themselves for not naming it after themselves like most scientists do with their theories.

are boots really made for walking?

i am saddened and disheartened that i do not own a pair of rain boots for today's weather...and apparently i wanted everyone to know.

any suggestions on how to keep it from raining directly into your boots when wearing them with shorts?

investigative, artistic, social.

i was attempting to take a test to see which career path i should take. apparently i'm a bit too bifurcated to pick just one career (or trifurcated - is that even a thing?).

here's what they asked me to choose between:

do you like to...

play a musical instrument
write stories, poetry, music
sing, act, dance
design fashions or interiors
attend concerts, theaters, art exhibits
read fiction, plays, and poetry
work on crafts
take photographs
express yourself creatively
deal with ambiguous ideas?

or are any of the following your hobbies...

book club
board games
visiting museums?

or...

volunteering with social action groups
writing letters
joining community organizations
caring for children
religious activities
going to parties
playing team sports?

this is not helping me narrow down what i want to do. in fact, it's doing just the opposite.

sigh.

so put another dime in the jutebox baby.

my new found joy when i'm working on an art project is to listen to itunes - BUT instead of making a playlist or selecting a specific artist, lately i've been listening to all of my music on shuffle.

i've discovered songs that i had forgotten i own (*she likes me for me*)
i've discovered songs that take me back to when my brother would drive me to high school (*tangerine*)
i've discovered songs that i wish i had forgotten i own (*passenger seat*)
i've discovered songs that remind me of going to their concert with friends (*stick shifts and safety belts* *til kingdom come* *sad, sad city* *gravity* *the way i am*)

i've also discovered semi-disturbing themes in my music collection such as angry women artists and the sixties.

connecting art and ideas.

i like wandering through museums.
i like wondering what the next room will hold.
i like attempting a guilty look as the security guard walks by for the hundredth time.
i like wondering why the artist decided a cape was necessary on the larger than life naked statue.
i like that thursdays are free making art available to the masses.
i like that i got in trouble for writing in pen and that the guard had to ask if what i was writing with was a pen when, in fact, it was a teal sharpee.
i like that some of the artists have a crazy sense of humor that seems to shout through the silence of the rooms.
i like the wood floors that occasionally squeak and the high lighted ceilings.
i like leaving the modern art rooms for last.
i like that continental airlines is the official airlines of the jack s. blanton museum of art.
i like that after going to a museum i'm inspired to paint rather than am intimidated.

changing of the seasons.

fall makes me want to crochet.

it's natural. or is it?

all throughout college, i wore waterproof mascara but didn't own any eye makeup remover. i think i used this to make myself feel better about myself - i thought how i looked when i woke up was natural, and i wanted to be naturally beautiful. (therefore if i look okay when i wake up i must be naturally beautiful.)

i think just within the last few years, i'm becoming more and more comfortable with how i look without any make up - granted, i don't wear much. but there's still something in me that revers natural beauty over made up beauty.

maybe this is because i don't know how to make my self up.

ugh, another defense mechanism.

not a cloud in the sky - literally and proverbally.

it's like i explained to robyn tonight: perfect weather is when it's just a bit cool in the shade, but a minute in the sun will warm you up slowly, but you never get hot.

i guess it's kind of like being in a slow cooking oven on low. today's weather in austin was like being in a slow cooking oven on low.

i don't know why, but i like the sound of that.

i'll have more of that, please.

mama said there'd be days like this.

after an exceptionally long day at work, the way this evening panned out couldn't have been better. observe:

1.) i caught up with one of my favorite people ever (and i don't use the phrase "favorite people ever" lightly) on the phone on my way home from work rendering the negative power of commuting through traffic useless.

2.) my dinner consisted of left over supermarket sushi, a bowl of popcorn (lightly seasoned with lawry salt), and some croutons accompanied with a big glass of ice water - just what i was in the mood for - oh, and a few episodes of 30 rock in an attempt to finish season 3 before season 4's debut tomorrow.

3.) made plans to watch aforementioned debut and have pretty much been smiling ever since.

4.) went downtown - couldn't find a parking space anywhere near 4th street, so i parked far away and had a peaceful walk through sky scrapers and car garages. unlike in the other big city i've lived in recently, there were no cat calls or scary people lurking in the alleys. note to self: must find more excuses to walk around downtown soon.

5.) went to fado's irish pub to watch the united states - costa rica world cup qualifier. (the u.s. tied things up in stoppage time off of a beautiful corner kick knocking costa rica out of the running and moving honduras up!)

6.) and now i'm off to fall asleep to a new book of poetry i picked up this weekend.

all in all - a rather nice evening.

an oxymoron right in my own kitchen.

i believe that coffee smells like the morning AND it smells good. this, although a seeming contradiction, must somehow be possible.

and anyone who has ever lived with me or mistakenly woken me up in the morning knows how confusing the aforementioned statement truly is.

fall's finishing touches.

since the beginning of this year, i've started reading vogue and thus have become more aware of fashion, labels, and designers.

since the beginning of time, i've not had any sort of innate fashion sense or a job that could support such an addiction.

therein lies my own personal catch 22. now i know what designers i will never own. i guess there are worse problems to have. in fact, at least 9 come to mind immediately.

tiredness.

if in doubt, always make fabulous new year's plans.

blended up black beans look unappetizing.

i decided i wanted to drift from my homemade chunky salsa routine for dinner and thought i'd try putting it in the blender to make it simply homemade salsa.

newsflash - what things look like as well as their texture play a very important role in how they taste.

needless to say i'm still hungry. somehow, though, not hungry enough to choke that stuff down.

flowers for algernon.

while i am aware that it is october, i am also aware that most of the boundaries in my life are self-imposed. i refuse to succumb to general insight in this case.

i somehow convinced the other bridesmaids at robyn's wedding in august that i should get to take home the little package of seeds that were in the goodie bag from the house we stayed in. a surprisingly easy fight.

anyways, i just now got around to planting them and look at them go! who says you can't start a flower garden in october now?

a letter of intent.

dear brain,

please stop over thinking everything rendering me useless both in social settings and in life decisions. i'm tired of it and i want you to quit.

sincerely,
jen ardill

crossing things off the preverbial list.

i get exasperated at the quick overturn of music, fashion, and pop-culture in general and i just figured out why: i like to make a list and cross things off. for example, when it comes to 18th century literature, the list has been made and nothing's really changing. but current things, the list just keeps changing and i give up.

that's why i have friends who send me music and tell me what to wear and recommend modern literature.

wow, it makes sense now...!

well, essentially, at least.

today i paid money to stand in the rain for hours.
today i paid money to have people throw glow sticks in my general direction.
today i paid money to stand in line for rapidly filling up port-o-potties for at least 20 minutes.
today i paid money to stand in a large group of people, but not really talk to them.
today i paid money to be completely covered in dirt from my knees down.
today i paid money to walk around a crowed park carrying my flip-flops in an attempt to keep them from being sucked into the mud with every step.

and it was worth every penny.

shop girl.

such an interesting movie.

a few things i need to process:
-how does steve martin manage not being creepy?
-what is love?

(a special thanks to ms. rikki marler for the tonight's movie selection.)

the plan.

tonight's agenda: a book and a hot cup of tea.

and yes, i'm 25.

and i can't imagine a better end today.

wisdom from the chinese food industry.

i opened up my fortune cookie full of excitement. what would my fortune be for today? it said and i quote: digital circuits are made from analog parts.

yeah. wow.

now while i don't admit this often, deep (very, very deep) down i am a romantic. since this fortune clearly was ridiculous, and not what i was hoping for, i went over and got another one. my second fortune said and i quote: you or a close friend will be married soon.

now while very, very deep down i am a romantic, this was a bit much for me. i guess it serves me right for going in for a second fortune.

get it together fortune cookie message writers. when i go eat chinese food with my dad, he and i always make up fortunes for each other. some of the ones that come to mind:
-the person sitting across from you is not planning on paying for their meal.
-look both ways before you cross the street this week.
-getting a hair cut tomorrow would not be in your best interest.

anyways, here's what today's fortune should have been if it were to have been both correct and in spanish instead of chinese:
esta tan cansada de las canciones (y peliculas) de amor - simple hablan de un final feliz. bien sabamos que en la vida nunca funcion asi...por lo menos para ti.

waking up smarter then when i went to sleep somehow.

for some reason i woke up this morning with an epiphany and it is as follows: a husband isn't just someone to do something with when you're bored. that being noted, i don't think i'm ready for a real relationship anytime soon.

call if off, boys who are knocking at my door.

oh wait...

to those who don't enjoy grocery shopping.

a few suggestions:

-make a grocery list with thin, colorful sharpies.
-always include one embarrassing item on the list to spice things up.
-wear something a bit strange (people's sideways glances are priceless).
-while there, count how many times you can make awkward eye contact with other shoppers.
-take frequent breaks (and by breaks i mean sit in your shopping cart).
-always buy at least one item that you don't need but makes you smile.

well, i'm off to make my colorful shopping list.

fine. i'm quirky.

my netflix page has kindly suggested that, based upon my previous movie selection, i should pick from a certain list of movies in the "quirky fiction with a strong female lead" genre.

is everyone doomed to gravitate to watching their own lives on film?

recipe for a successful girl's weekend.

4 friends
1 lake house
1 season of buffy the vampire slayer
1 canoe
2 fishing poles
1 paddle boat
2 jet skis
1 tube
4 handles
14 cups of coffee
25 pigs in a blanket
4 fashion magazines

in a medium sized town, combine friends, lake house, and buffy, for 2 days. slowly add the canoe, fishing poles, paddle boat, tube and handles until only small lumps remain. combine remaining ingredients to taste. let sit for a few hours on the couch.

repeat once every 4 weeks.

makes weird pictures.

i heart garage sale leftovers.

once or twice a year my mom and ladies in her cancer support group have a garage sale to raise money for cancer research. i've never been able to go and this year was no exception. i was, however, given the once in a lifetime opportunity to rummage through the left overs before they were taken to salvation army.

just a few of the amazing steals i ended up with-

1.) really old pillowcases with great prints.
2.) a sailboat bag from 1981.
3.) assorted small, odd baskets.
4.) vhs and cassette storage
5.) 3 vintage chairs.
6.) some old dress patterns from the 70s.
7.) place mats.
8.) an extra large kid's dress.

let the creativity begin.

what dreams may come.

seriously - i had the weirdest dream last night.

first of all, i was playing with a group of kids at an orphanage (it was kind of a mix between the orphanage i worked at in bolivia and the nutrition center i volunteered at in honduras). i was braiding this little girl's hair, but i didn't have a hair tie and the braids, of course, kept coming out. then this guy i met at robyn's wedding (whose hair had grown way out, incidentally) gave me a hair tie and i finished braiding and we proceeded to play some game with the kids that was somehow a cross between red rover and duck, duck, goose. the dream wasn't cute, but serious, which i find odd for such a random dream.

scene change.

but i can't seem to remember what came next. all i know is that it was equally random and continued in the "worlds colliding" theme.

that's it.

innovation.

is there a magazine with 25-30 year old women as the target market?
anyone want to start a magazine with me?

it's time.

you know when you decide that you need a hair cut and then all you can think about is that your hair needs cutting? every pair of scissors becomes a temptation to do the deed yourself. every glance in the mirror in the mornings seems to be your split ends mocking you. your bangs keep falling down into your eyes rendering you temporarily blinded every time you look left too quickly. every girl with short hair that walks by seems to be taunting the ragged mop on your head that you used to call a hairstyle.

this is my current predicament.
please come hide the scissors in my apartment.

well, maybe i'll just trim a bit off....

on my lunch break.

don't you just hate reading a funny book in public?

not all created equal.

thanks to tons of suave looking panamanians, when i got back from my week in panama i ordered a pair of white skinny jeans online.

lesson 1: never order jeans online.
lesson 2: never order jeans white AND skinny without trying them on.

i don't wear them very often, but every once in a long while i'll see them hanging innocently in my closet and put them on and forget what they've done to me in the past. today was one of those days.

there are two reason why i have grown to hate these pants:
reason 1: throughout the day the waist stretches out to an absurd width.
reason 2: throughout the day the ankle gets progressively smaller and works its way up my calf.

i hope you have an accurate mental picture of me leaving the office.
ridiculous.

needless to say, i'm going to be a bit more thoughtful about what i wear to work tomorrow.

go carolina.

and with no further ado, i present to you, david sadaris:

"anyone who watches even the slightest amount of tv is familiar with the scene: an agent knocks on the door of some seemingly ordinary home or office. the door opens, and the person holding the knob is asked to identify himself. the agent then says, 'i'm going to have to ask you to come with me.'

they're always remarkable calm, these agents. if asked "why do i need to go anywhere with you?' they'll straighten their shirt cuffs or idly brush stray hairs from the sleeves of their sport coats and say, 'oh, i think we both know why.'

the suspect then chooses between doing things the hard way and doing things the easy way, and the scene ends with either gunfire or the gentlemanly application of handcuffs. occasionally it's a case of mistaken identity, but most often the suspect knows exactly why he's being taken. it seems he's been expecting this to happen. the anticipation has ruled his life, and now, finally, the wait is over. you're sometimes let to believe that this person is actually relieved, but i've never bought it. though it probably has its moments, the average day spent in hiding is bound to beat the average day spent in prison. when it come time to decide who gets the bottom bunk, i think anyone would agree that there's a lot to be said for doing things the hard way."

i too, will choose to do things the hard way...at least today i will.

landlord, where are you?

on friday night, i noticed the light in my refrigerator was out. on saturday morning i realized that the refrigerator had actually stopped working all together along with everything else requiring electricity on that side of the kitchen. needless to say, everything in my refrigerator and freezer has spoiled.

yesterday, i went to turn off my overhead light/fan in my bedroom. i pushed the switch down, which usually successfully turns off the light/fan. not last night.

today i was relaxing on my couch and decided to turn on my candle warmer to mask the faint rotten smell wafting from the kitchen. after changing it to a plug that worked (which took a while to find these days), french vanilla quickly began to smell like slightly singed vanilla. knowing from my background in chemistry to trust my keen sense of smell, i lifted the candle off and saw that the plastic on the warmer had melted almost completely and had begun to burn a hole on the book is sat upon. i turned it off.

as i type now, the "f" key on the keyboard is sticking turning every "feature" into an "eature."

now i know that it is labor day, but will somebody PLEASE tell my furniture and appliances that they can't have the day off?

moon river and me.

for the last few weeks, i've not been sleeping great. i don't know why, i've even regulated my sleeping habit as suggested by doctors (i think). i would just lay awake for what felt like hours waiting for my little alarm to go off at 7:00am.

this week i have had a new strategy. i've been going to bed later and only when i'm really, really sleepy. for the most part, i think it's working.

some time in the middle of the night, last night, i sat up with a start only to see a HUGE full moon outside the top of my window (see diagram below).


it's been bothering me all day.

recycling - a better way to live.

there is something about resale shopping that soothes the soul.

the joys of the final steps of unpacking.

so i've been avoiding this one last section of the apartment unpacking process. my closet that will serve as storage.

what's a 25 year old girl supposed to do with old cd cases of cds that were stolen out of her car in high school? or junior high pictures that everyone would rather didn't exist? or her dress from the chritmas dance her junior year of high school?

it might be time to throw some stuff away. and thus the life purge begins. i'm going to need some good music for this. perhaps patrick wolf?

yet another book suggestion, but this time there's an empty threat attached.

the perfect late summer read: this side of paradise by f. scott. fitzgerald.

i started it yesterday since we're in between book club (otherwise known as club dread according to robyn) picks since one of the three members decided to get married which apparently takes up time... (?) and it's seriously just what to read during these last days of august and the beginning of september.

try it. i dare you.

beware: shoes may be slippier than they appear.

so it seems my clock falling was just the beginning.

the next day i wore these cute little flats to work that are really slick on the bottom. i managed to maneuver up and down the stairs (the 3rd floor bathroom was out of order and i had to use the one on the 1st floor)quite successfully all morning. i must have been getting a little cocky because when i went for lunch at thurndercloud sub and tried to walk along that concrete slab at the end of parking spaces (incidentally, is there a name for that...?)i slipped in the most ungraceful way possible. it was like i teetered and slipped for a full minute before i crashed to the ground, still kind of on my feet and, of course, in front of a large window.

the next day i wore much safer shoes. i went to pei wei for lunch and as i was walking out of the porch area, i simply didn't see a step down after opening the porch rail gate. again, i didn't technically fall, but i did land in a really weird position with a look of utter confusion on my face. then i held my head up high and wandered the parking lot for a few minutes trying to remember where i parked.

yesterday i decided to brave hanging glass on my walls again. after breaking a picture frame when attempting to show claire and corbin where i was planning on hanging it a few nights before, i was a bit nervous. i'm happy to announce that this weekend i have neither slipped or broken anything. i believe a new leaf has been turned over.

sigh.

i've been living in an apartment with bare walls for a few weeks now. you see, i love decorating, but i have to be in the right mood. too creative as well as too mundane of a day could end in disastrous results.

i was on quite the roll bouncing from living room to bed room while canvases were drying listening to my ipod on shuffle (which is always an adventure in itself thanks to Robyn). i decided to sit for a while to a late dinner and to upload pictures from the weekend extravaganza when i saw the clock i had hung on the wall hours ago fall to the ground with a loud smash followed by the sound of small shards of glass tinkering to the ground. this beloved clock has made it through numerous moves and storage units but leave it to me to try to hang it unsuccessfully to its doom.

and i must admit although i plan to clean up the glass in a few days and hang up without it's glossy sheen, it is with a heavy heart that i write. i loved that clock and now in it's place is a nail that just couldn't handle the pressure.

sad day.

seeming is believing.

like with any new job in any new city, it takes a while to figure out the best route to and from work. i've been experimenting for a few weeks now.

i realized a few days ago that i'd found a route i particularly liked and that i'd been taking it more often than not. i also realized that although it feels like it's quicker than other routes i've discovered, in reality it's a bit longer. only a few minutes longer, but longer nevertheless. i found myself choosing the way home from work that seemed quicker, not the actual quickest route.

...and i began to wonder: do i always choose perception over reality?

are there other areas of my life that i choose what i want over what's real?

if there are, is that okay?

pre-madmen mondays.

so i decided i wanted a productive evening this evening. here's how it went down:

i've recently been liking salsa for the first time which is weird considering my extreme aversion to anything tomato. every time i've tried it recently i think, "this is almost really good. if only it didn't have a few ingredients." so tonight i decided to make my own. turns out those ingredients (namely peppers and cilantro) are semi important in the overall salsa taste. i chopped up some tomatoes and onions, added some black beans and corn, mixed in some garlic salt and topped it off with quite a lot of lime juice. it's intriguing at best. good thing my fajitas turned out better. although the cooking lesson should be to to stop trying to cook new things (rarely do i cook something experimentally that turns out edible) somehow i took away that i must not really be warming up to tomatoes.

after "cooking" dinner, i signed up for netfliks, and started watching watchmen.

all in all, a very productive evening.

recovering from dancing the night away at robyn and andy's wedding(sore calves and massive quantities of mosquito bites)sure can be tough...

dancing.

is it possible to be too confident on the dance floor when you're a bridesmaid at a wedding?

coffeeshop suggestion and fashion suggestion needed.

who wouldn't want to go to a coffee shop named "flipnotics"? if you live in the greater austin area, you should give it a try. i'm planning on it in the very near future. very near. i mean there's aliens on their website. i'm kind of wondering to myself why that seems to be a theme in my life as of late. coincidence? do those even exist? ("those" referring, of course to coincidences, not aliens...)

on a different note, what should a 25-year-old wear to one of her best friend's rehearsal dinner? i'm kind of limited on my dress selection to funky/casual or cute/dressier. suggestions?

documentary suggestion.

if you need a quite evening at home, i would recommend the documentary "stone reader." it's the perfect wednesday night flick after information overload at a new job.

you may be tempted to re-arrange your bookshelf while you watch. just succumb to the temptation.

evening suggestion.

I would recommend listening to Dragonfly by My Brightest Diamond on your ipod while sitting on a roof somewhere looking at the stars. Feel free to put it on repeat if necessary.

before.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkD-3r7lQGQ

as a side note: IKEA's catalog department is incredible. i ordered one yesterday and got it in the mail today...how is that even possible? good work fellows!

Happier than a bird.

I am a firm believer that you have not actually christened an apartment until you have had your first heaping plate of french fries there.

Because of this belief and my recent move to a new place, I decided that no matter the cost I would make this happen. I went to HEB and bought a medium sized package of frozen, non-seasoned crinkle fries.

I had a few obvious roadblocks and a one covert one.
Obvious Roadblock #1: I don't have a baking sheet - it's still safe and sound in storage.
Obvious Roadblock #2: My microwave is 1,000 years old (meaning that it does not work.)
Covert Roadblock #1: The large stove top burner sparked at me and began to get cooler, not hotter with time.

Solution - I put a significant portion of the frozen fries on a skillet and balanced it on the tiny and unstable burner. Although the fries were a bit burnt on the outside and still quite frozen in the middle, I am happy to report that my apartment is officially mine. Feel free to congratulate me in whatever way you deem appropriate.

trash.

As I took out my trash last night I was attacked.

I threw the first bag into the dumpster and heard a rustling noise. I immediately backed away and was convinced that the noise was caused either by a cougar or a hiding man. Then a rather hefty raccoon jumped out, heading directly for me. I, of course, waved my bag of trash in it's direction to ward of the impending danger and let out a little scream. When did I become such a girl?

The interesting thing is that I didn't scream until I saw that it was a raccoon even though a raccoon is clearly not as scary as a cougar or a man.

My sheer size must have intimidated the raccoon. It scampered away and ran for the fence but it couldn't fit under the fence it's first try so I guess I should have said it ran into the fence. The second escape attempt was successful and that was the last I saw of the raccoon although it's presence haunted me for the better part of the night.

I tell this story as a warning to everyone everywhere to look out for oversized raccoons when you take out the trash as to use his or her size to his or her advantage if found in a similar situation in the future.

the only poem i have memorized.

there once was a man from wheeling.
who had an expectorant feeling.
but a sign on the door
said don't spit on the floor
so he looked up and spat on the ceiling.

name that blur.

i am not great a capturing concerts with a photo.
i get all caught up in the energy and sound of the music and then thrust my camera in the air and snap what i imagine to be a likeness on film to what i am experiencing in real life.
this is what i ended up with:

name that band? anyone besides claire?! answer: the fabulous barcelona.

this caused me to wonder if this has always been an issue for me. i'll let you decide:













solution: attend more concerts until i figure out the "night fall" setting on my camera

good morning regular person lemon.

paradise has finally come to earth (meaning, of course, that hulu has posted the entire season 3 of 30 rock online and available, free, and perfectly legally to the general public.)

to the friends I hung out with last night: know the depth of the sacrifice I made in leaving my computer.

to the people who live in the apartment next to me: i apologize if my laughing woke you up this morning at 6:30am.

to the friends i will hang out with in the next 15 days: please overlook the fact that everything can be (and clearly in my opinion should be) related to 30 rock.

and to the person reading this who has never seen 30 rock: give it 3 episodes

i am intrigued at coffee shop etiquette.

right now i am sitting at a local coffee shop and all 9 tables have one person sitting down and either staring at a book or a computer screen.

of course there is the exception of the man in the white linen shirt and khakis attempting to flirt with the older lady with the "i voted" stickers on her laptop. I wonder if she got one sticker each time she voted or if she just grabbed a handful. i guess i'll never know. (if i was more like my apartment locator, i would just walk up and ask her. i'm seriously way too stuck in social norms like not talking to strangers. something to aspire to.)

what i think drives me the most crazy is when some guy sits at the table in front of you and ends up facing you (see diagram below). then, whether or not he's cute, you end up looking up to see if he's looking at his computer, or looking at you because you can feel it when someone is looking at you but it certainly isn't a science...and things just get awkward and i end up leaving.















or when someone is sitting behind you and can see your screen:















and they comment on the picture you've set as a background. usually, for me, it's something strange that has no explanation:













and then i awkwardly mumble something about my friends being really strange and how i don't really know what to say...and then i suddenly have somewhere i need to be and fast.

does this kind of thing happen to anyone else or am i somehow mistaken about social norms in a coffee shop?

another random story: the day after MJ died, the staff at this particular joint decided to express their grief by playing his music at really high decimals and not serving anyone who came to the register. i respected their decision and enjoyed not having to pay for coffee to use their internet, but many people were disgruntled. one man in particular found it nearly impossible to concentrate on his crossword puzzle and shouted at the staff to turn down the music which, of course, they couldn't hear what he was saying and ignored him until he left in a huff. really - in a huff.

anyway i guess the moral of these stories is that if you don't like the coffee shop you're in, it's up to you to leave.

i'll let you extrapolate the deeper meaning yourselves.

babyface.

so i've been 25 for about 7 months and i think that i look my age, but inevitably as i'm sitting at a coffee shop doing something really important on my laptop and some awkward older man will mention to me that he is so happy to have days of writing papers and homework behind him. from there, as i see it, i have one of five options:

1.) ignore his stinging comment even though i've been out of college for 3 years.
2.) politely let him know that i am actually doing something really important and have been out of college for 3 years.
3.) curse under my breath that i've been out of college for 3 years.
4.) make an equally awkward comment about having been out of college for 3 years and how i'll appreciate looking younger than my age when i'm older.
5.) laugh to myself at a random man in the background who, upon emerging from the restroom has decided to stop and check himself out at the full length mirror including rolling and unrolling his t-shirt sleeves for several minutes completely unaware that i can see him from my chair.

i'm going to choose option 5 every time.

(i would like to dedicate this post to the beautiful kristin wood.)

who's with me?

i vote we begin making life decisions by casting lots again.

what the alien taught me yesterday.

so i was driving to work yesterday around 10:00am. i passed by a man walking the opposite direction. he looked like one of those aliens dressed as a man you see in movies, straw hat and all. he walked like he didn't really have legs that could bend and his face was in a fixed, mask-like scowl.

until yesterday, i never believed that aliens could get away with their ridiculous costumes and that no one would notice. oh! people notice alright. now i know that it is because of people like me that aliens could indeed take over the planet in unrealistic man costumes. people like me who know and do nothing.

love is in the air.

why i felt loved this week:

-a friend sent me the name of a new band she knew i'd like (even down to the track...she was right, of course).
-friend after generous friend buying me lunch or coffee or dinner or lunch or coffee and so on.
-my dad surprising me not once but twice with filling by filling up my car with gas.
-running into almost everyone who was at the party the night before at the local cafe the next morning completely by accident after rolling out of bed without makeup and it not mattering in the least.
-when i left fish city grill, everyone wished me a safe and fun trip and that they really meant it.
-when i tried to slip ever so gently into the slightly cold pool to play water volleyball, all three of my cousins and my brother proceeded to splash me and dunk me, respectively, until i was thoroughly soaked.
-i can be in a horrible mood and wake up the next day and my friend still likes me just as much.
-i have friends who know me enough to tell me to read a book because i'll love it. so i read the book and i do, indeed, love it.
-my friend made her roommate and i breakfast in bed...in her bed...and it was toast...that's love!
-when i travel i don't need to pack that much because i can just borrow everything - surely not everyone has good friends and mothers like that!
-when i come back to "my" new apartment, my new roommates say, "welcome home" and mean it.

and I pretend to be educated.

I have been applying for jobs for about three months now.
I have written customized cover letters and I have several versions of my resume.

Today I found out that my resume has been opening on other's computers with all of the changes ever made to it and all the formatting adjustments in red. This has been the case with every resume I have sent out since April.

Part of me is relieved. Maybe that's why I can't seem to turn any employer's heads.
The other part of me feels ridiculous.
I will be focusing on the first part.

Wish me luck!

why I love austin.

In no particular order:

-Watching Gremlins in the Park outside of Central Market
-Free outdoor jazz concerts
-Working 3 - 4 hours a day
-Book club
-Austin Fashion Week coming up
-People watching
-I never, ever have to do homework again (while not directly related to Austin, it is a fact that I am currently enjoying)
-Old and new friends
-Used bookstores on most every corner (which everyone knows is a proven amenity of Paradise)
-The possibility of moving to a really eclectic apartment
-A fresh start
-It's not only acceptable to be single at 25, it's NORMAL!
-Museums to my heart's content
-Classic movies at the Paramount Theater
-Apparently Barton Springs (a spring that is naturally 68 degrees AND free this Saturday)
-There's always a new restaurant to try
-Bands with names like the Anti-Nowhere League, and The Germ are always holding concerts

Well, that's all for now. Just a reminder of how great Austin is to live. (You know who you are...!!)

These are my confessions.

Okay, to be fair I have seen quite a few articles on CNN about former President Zelaya.

Other random confessions:
-I watched a morning talk show (thanks unemployment for introducing me to such American novelties).
-I followed the show's advice and joined a free online dating site out of morbid curiosity. I have discovered why guys no longer ask girls out. Online, to initiate conversation a guy simply has to press the "flirt" button and choose one of five responses (ranging from "Hey there!" to the ever popular "I like your photo.") Look at me unlocking the secrets of 21st Century dating (or in my case not-dating...!) I also have a new found joy for being single. Seriously, if you're 38 with 3 kids, let's go to a default answer of "No I'm not interested."

Could someone explan something to me?

What I can't seem to understand about media today is how they choose their cover stories. For example: I have heard endless details about MJ's funeral, but painfully little about the recent overthrow of the Honduran government. I just wonder what else is going on in the world that I am completely clueless of and would know nothing about except for talking with international friends.

What's the remedy?

Bet YOU didn't know.

No one knows the actual birthday of Shakespeare.

Remember that as you're going about your day.

Quotes:

New favorite: "Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien

It's always nice to find seemingly justification of your chaotic life among wise men.

Perhaps "weird" isn't just an coincidence?

Here's my line of thinking today: the majority of people I see in the neighborhood coffee shop during my mornings of on-line job searching are over the top strange.

Old conclusion: everyone in Austin is strange.
New conclusion: everyone unemployed in Austin and therefore in coffee shops mid-morning is strange.

Side note: everyone but me.

The only thing weirder would be if my name was Patty.

I'm always intrigued when I read something in a book that seems like they're writing about me. Observe:

“The weeks that followed were truly disheartening. By August, Patty had exhausted the heady sensation of exerting mastery over a new apartment, the temperature fluctuated between ninety-eight and a hundred and two degrees, and she had sat through numbers of futile interviews and sent out numbers of futile résumés. The city, in fact, appeared to be quite overstocked with women, each more ornamental and accomplished than any nineteenth-century young lady, huge quantities of whom, Patty noticed with growing terror, were waitresses.

It would be a temporary necessity, she reasoned; she would have to support her job hunt by waiting on tables. And soon her days were occupied with getting rejected for two entire lines of work, one of which she had recently despised…”

A Cautionary Tale by Deborah Eisenberg

Naive?

The man sitting at the table in front of me at this coffee shop has a gun strapped to his ankle. For some reason I don't see this as a problem. Perhaps I'm too naive.

Oh! the questions.

Being jobless, I've discovered recently, is actually a very vulnerable state.

1. Too much time to think: how am I to even begin to answer the questions of who I am and who I want to be? Of which jobs I would accept if offered and which ones I want to hold out for?
   
2. Too many decisions to make about how to spend your time: do I spend every moment looking for jobs online? Do I get a temporary job even though I may get offered a full time job any day and would leave them just after being trained? Do I section off part of my day for job searching and part of the day discovering the quirks of Austin? Am I justified in spending money on anything other than internet access and groceries?
   
3. Too many ironies: when I worked two jobs and was going to grad school, I was surrounded by several amazing friends who lived close by. Now my days are overrun by free time while I am in a new city.
   
4. Too many options as to where to place my value: do I have purpose because I keep busy? Because I'm beginning to get interviews? Because I am trying to use my time to glorify the Lord even though I'm not even sure what that looks like? Because...>your answer here<...?

But I have decided that I am going to live each day to the fullest and that I am going to "decide to be happier than a bird with a french fry" as the saying goes.

Who do they think I am?

Why does my family insist that I am capable of mountain biking feats when they, out of anyone, should know my inexperience with said sport. In the past, my dad has been the guilty party innocently inviting me to "go on a bike ride." When I was a kid this meant around the block a couple of times. Now that I'm an adult, apparently it means following him into the random forest behind a neighboring subdivision and balancing on really thin fallen logs across semi-raging trickles of water.

My mountain biking experience was raised to a new level yesterday.

I borrowed my brother's friend's bike he keeps in his garage. My brother's short friend. Then I borrowed my brother's neighbor's helmet. My brother's large-headed neighbor. Then I realized that although I packed socks, I had forgotten tennis shoes. Brown flip-flops will have to do. Usually I find that when a helmet is required, so are closed toed shoes. Yesterday's jaunt through the woods was no exception.

At one point in our little ride, flying down a narrow bike path I hit a large conspicuously protruding root which in turn jarred my helmet over my eyes rendering me blind. I vaguely remembered a patch of soft sand proceeded by a sharp turn to avoid the lake coming up. I glanced down (my only available line of sight), saw the sand, and turned a hard left thus staying on the bike, dry and unharmed.

My brother simply glanced back at me skeptically as I teetered through the treacherous turn.

A few minutes later he asked if I was up for an adventure. I sighed and responded how every little sister does. With artificial confidence I stated, "Bring it on." Luckily for my life and the use of my appendages for the next 4 months, it had rained and that particular trail was flooded.

Does my family think that while away at school I was secretly training for a chance such as this to impress the family once and for all with my mad mountain biking skills?

Who do they think I am?
I was wearing flip-flops for goodness sake.

perhaps too much flocking together for one little non-existant apartment?

So I found this cute little bird while perusing Etsy.com. If I don't get a job soon, everything I own will have a little bird painted upon it. As of this evening, I have one chair with a half-finished bird on it. I've got work to do...what am I doing on the computer...??

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Princess_Caraboo/

an update: no more, no less.

Pending items:
1.) I finally called my landlord to get my sink fixed...about 3 weeks after it was stuck.
2.) Although I tried to get rid of all of the blue balloons, I had 2 that ended up with me in Texas.
3.) I did decide to buy dishwasher soap. To this day I believe this to have been a wise choice.

Since being back in Tyler I have done the following things: mowed the yard, washed 1/2 of my clothes to get my old apartment nastiness out, febreezed all of cloth-based furniture items and set them out in the sun rotating them hourly, vacuumed the inside of my car, taken 2 walks, laid out by the pool, applied for 3 jobs (none of which I've heard back from), met one of my favorite people for sweet tea, Good Will, and Target, watched Seven Pounds, talked with my grandparents, brother, and old neighbors, sorted out all of my earrings, ran errands with my mom, and got my teeth cleaned.

I've been in Tyler for 2 days.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

What a great saying, little orphan Annie.

Decisions, decisions.

Once again, I have a huge decision looming in the distance.

You see, I just used the last of the dishwasher detergent and I’m moving in 3 weeks.

Do I simply do dishes by hand for 3 weeks or buy a 5 pound tub of soap that I have to move with me to Texas?

Life decisions can be exhausting.

Tonight is the night.

40% chance of rain.
$15 lawn tickets.
2 amazing gals from Siloam.
1 amazing couple from Tulsa.

= fabulous potential for a CAKE concert. This will be the night of our lives.

13 Royal Blue Balloons

Although there is not much left in my little apartment due to an upcoming move, I am happy to inform the public that there are at least 13 royal blue balloons in my line of sight from my seat at my dining room table.

Sometimes I stare at them as I eat my healthy whole grain breakfast and sip my calcium fortified orange juice.

How am I possibly ready for the real world?

Movies lie about love.

Enough said.

Oh the plight of a single woman.

I just washed my face at the kitchen sink. It felt wrong. Really wrong. Like I had failed.

You see, about three days ago my bathroom sink got stuck. Note: not clogged. Stuck. The little silver plug is now permanently embedded into the porcelain sink area.

Day One: I tried to pry the plug loose with my fingernails. A good plan but surprisingly unsuccessful. Alas, the plug was stronger than I. I proceed to wash my face and let the water accumulate in the sink hoping it will be gone when I wake up.

Day Two: Still left over water in the sink from the night before. I proceed to attempt the fingernail approach again. Surprisingly still unsuccessful. I continue to wash my face in the sink and ignore the rising water line.

Day Three (today): It is now 10:55pm. I just got home from a very stressful class in Rogers. One that ended with a group project meeting where I suddenly became stubborn and knew it but couldn’t stop myself. I left frustrated with the group and with myself. I come home to discover that I cannot wash my face in the sink because the sink is full of water. I decide to ignore the fact that this is actually quite gross and decide that it is time to unstick the plug. So with my ipod adjusted to Daddy Yankee and my flathead screwdriver in hand I lift my chin up high, march to the sink, and attempt to pry the plug loose. To no avail. I give up after about 5 minutes of confused prying, quietly putting my ipod and screwdriver away. I slowly make my way to the kitchen sink with my Neutrogena face wash in hand. Defeat. Failure.

Oh the plight of a single woman.

I guess I’ll succumb and call my landlord tomorrow.

As I sit on my little blue couch

As I sit on my well worn little blue foam coach and stare at the empty bookshelf I think to myself, “They’re gone. They’re really gone.” I pack them up last night and sent them with my parents to Texas. Well, all but 9 of them. Only these remain:

• Walden by Henry David Thoreau

• Lila by Robert M. Pirsig

• The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint – Exupéry

• Flores para Hitler by Leonard Cohen

• James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

• A Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs

• Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

• Night by Elie Eiesel

• The Art of Life by Edith Schaeffer

I chose Henry and Robert because I’ve already started them. Henry to remind me of my desire to live simply. Robert to remind me how I used to think about the philosophy behind morals.Robert affords me some great memories … even in the sequel.

I chose Antoine because I heard about his book 3 times in the same week. Whenever that happens, I go to amazon.com and buy the cheapest version. That was three months ago.

I am on a quest to discover if I have a love of poetry besides what Garrison Keillor has chosen for me. Leonard has graciously included the Spanish translation of each poem next to the English one. I can read a poem in Spanish, then fall back on the English version to see how close my translations are. I believe poetry is not intended to be read in your native language. Other languages are so much more beautiful sounding than your own.

Roald and I have long been friends. I have been neglecting him as of late. This will be remedied in the next 2 months.

A.J. Jacobs is the author of The Know-It-All: One Man’s Quest to Become the Smartest Man in the World. Recommended by my friend Robyn whose literary suggestions I’m constantly trying to catch up with. Loved the first, can’t wait for the second. An early summer must-read. A little of what you can expect:

The Year of Living Biblically answers the question: What if a modern-day American followed every single rule in the Bible as literally as possible. Not just the famous rules – the Ten Commandments and Love Thy Neighbor (though certainly those). But the hundreds of oft-ignored ones: don’t wear clothes of mixed fibers. Grow your beard. Stone adulterers.

Business books seldom make the cut these days. I bought Outliers on a whim. I’m hoping that reading this will give me a shot at success. Don’t let me down, Malcolm. I wisely knew that if I didn’t leave this book with me, it would never be read. I can almost guarantee that Malcolm will be bringing up the rear of the book list.

Elie. Similar to watching Slumdog Millionaire or reading Sold I get the impression that Elie will be a powerful yet haunting read. I was given Night as a generous gift for facilitating. I think that books are the perfect “thank yous.”

Edith was also a gift. A friend from high school. I started reading it then, but didn’t understand it really. I recently thumbed through it to discover that it really does have incredible advice on how to master the art of living. Besides, Francis Schaeffer, Edith’s husband, is one of my high school heroes.

Well, I must go read now. But do I pick up Henry or Robert…?

>sigh<

Life can be so full of difficult decisions…